Suffocating Loneliness
by Darkest Shadow x
Summary: Then again, who could believe him? Nobody could. Nobody could trust in him. Nobody could believe in him. Nobody could confide in him. And that's what he hated so much about being Zero.


There was always some tension in the air. Always. And he was the one to know it. He felt it, he could taste it on his tongue, but never before had he noticed that it was right in front of his face. It wasn't his tension to begin with – it was everyone's. Everyone around him lead him to believe that all of this was not worth the effort. No, it was worth the effort, all right. In his eyes, at least. Then again, who could believe him? Nobody could. Nobody could trust in him. Nobody could believe in him. Nobody could confide in him. And that's what he hated so much about being Zero.

There was always the possibility of losing the disguise and admitting his crimes. What would that lead him to? Sudden death by the sword of a Knight of the Round? Or perhaps even the Emperor himself? Possibilities were endless if he decided to give up. Zero wasn't a man of giving up. He would stand strong until the end of time if he had to. But he couldn't be Zero forever. He was going to have to pass the title of the infamous leader of the Black Knights onto someone else eventually. But this wasn't a time to think about who would be the next Black Demon Zero heir. No, this was a time of critical thinking, and strategizing.

Eventually, he would have to give up, wouldn't he? He'd have to give up after his task at hand was done. He had been screwed over so many times already and he wasn't ready for another flaw. He wasn't ready for sudden attacks, he wasn't ready for words, he wasn't ready for silence, he wasn't ready for loneliness. But, the only problem was that loneliness was his friend.

Because of his masked identity that he would show no one, he was left all alone. His heart seemed as if it had frozen over. It was almost as if he wouldn't let anyone in anymore. C.C. was only a silhouette standing in his way. She wasn't a girl who knew every facet of him. Suzaku Kururugi knew a lot, but he didn't know everything. Zero wasn't going to let anyone know everything any time soon. He didn't want his chances at rebellion and victory to be worth nothing in the end.

All of his Black Knights only knew the demanding, forceful side of him. His dominance over his people was something to be admired, not ignored. So many people detested him, but so many people agreed with him. It was a love/hate relationship between Zero and the people of Area 11 and Britannia. It was the love/hate relationship that he, unfortunately, could not control with a flick of his wrist. However, he did have one power that could help. It just didn't sound appealing to use it on everyone at once, when he could use it later at a better time for better reasonings.

Quickly, he walked down the hallway and into his room, making sure the door was securely shut behind him. He locked it with a twist of his wrist and glanced around, glad to see that the green-haired girl he had always used to love to see was gone for the moment. He placed his gloved hand on the front of his mask and lifted it off of his head, setting it down on the table. He lowered his mouth piece and tugged off the white scarf, tossing it on top of the mask.

His face remained apathetic and somewhat serious. His amethyst eyes had a lot to reveal about him – what his emotions were, what he was thinking about, and so much more. He even held up an emotional mask when his real one was down. He didn't like everyone bothering him about his thoughts. They were his alone, were they not? Did anyone truly need to know about what he was pondering about? Perhaps they just wanted in his head for his knowledge, or perhaps they were actually worried about him. Nonetheless, he was the one who decided that everything he knew was to be kept a secret.

After sliding off his cape and tossing it over the back of one of the chairs, he made his way over toward the sofa. Sitting in front of the sofa was a table with a chess board perfectly in place. He tugged on the gloves on his hands and tossed them aside, picking up the black king. He narrowed his eyes and watched the piece, memorizing and looking over every little detail that there was.

He could hear a tap on the door, and he suddenly grimaced. He shook his head, allowing the ebony bangs of his hair to fall in front of his eyes. He kept quiet until he heard the satisfying sound of footsteps departing from his room. A sigh escaped from the person who had knocked as he walked away, and the figure sitting on the sofa merely smirked.

He stood up from where he was seated, bringing the black king around with him. He did always prefer the black chess pieces. That reminded him of the one person he could never beat in a chess match, and that was his brother, Schneizel el Britannia, the Prime Minister. Somehow, the older blond could always figure out what he was going to do. Was he too predictable? Did he need to change his tactics to get his way? Did he need to do something to become invincible? Or was he fine the way he was?

He set his hands down on the back of one of the chairs and lowered his head. Maybe his strategies were overused and getting old. A dilemma popped up in his mind as he thought. Would his Knights ever tell him that his ideas weren't going to work? Of course, Tamaki and Ohgi would tell him in a heartbeat. What about Kallen? Would she keep quiet about it, or would she speak up and tell him the truth? He never really knew with Q-1. She was always a mystery. Though, Tamaki and Ohgi were honest to their word and loyal to him. He wouldn't need to deal with any of his plans being recycled or old if those two hadn't said anything about it.

The leader of the Black Knights listened to the silence with his face blank. He had just realized something, though he had known about it ages beforehand. If he was Zero, would he ever be able to be truly happy? Would he ever be able to have someone by his side? Would he ever not be alone? Or would the loneliness plague his life forever?

He knew it. He had felt it. The loneliness suffocated him in its tight grasp. It had done it so many times before, and most of the time, it left him breathless and needing someone to talk to… To touch, to stand by… Most of the time, he never could grasp those moments. Those moments were long gone. Now that he was Zero, the mysterious leader, he wouldn't be able to grasp those feelings he always yearned for.

He would have to stay lonely forever. Forever was a long time. Forever was until he decided to pass the torch onto another man, to have him be the one torturing Britannia with his Black Knights. He lifted his head and nodded solemnly. That day would have to be soon. He knew what he was going to do, even if the loneliness suffocated him again while he was under that heavy mask.


End file.
